Reason and Purpose

While waiting for a friend's SMS, I busied myself reading tweets in Twitter. I came across this user (we don't follow each other but in real life situation, I know her and vice versa) who tweeted about her not being followed and just posted her blog link. Anyway, after reading her blog, I am really impressed and got me reading into some other blogs and articles/posts. The thing here is, what's my reason for making a blog?

I was introduced to the blogosphere maybe last year but haven't given much interest to it mainly because I don't have spare time.  Earlier this year, I decided to create an account from one of the free hosting sites which is Webs.com but I was kinda having a hard time figuring it's capacities so I signed in for Blogger.com. It was sitting in an empty space for a while, devoid of blogs and posts. 

When I started bumming, I took the time of exploring the wonders of blogging. The first thing that motivated me was to write simply because it has been a passion ever since. After delving deeper into the the world of blogging, I thought, why not earn while doing what I want? I tried putting ads and stuffs on my blog as well as created posts not related to me but no success owing to a lack of research and I must admit, what am I compared to the veteran bloggers out there? So I accepted the fact that my blog is only meant for reading and not earning. After giving much thought about it, what's really my purpose for continuing the blog?

I don't really have a target audience and not much of a follower but my purpose of continuing my blog is for self satisfaction. For feeding the hunger in me due to the cravings of  passion. Though I may not always update it and comes/may come to a point where it was/will be dormant for days or months, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll end my passion. It will be sitting and hanging here 'til I post something. 

Blog to some is like an online counterpart. There are times when it is  left hanging or no changes until we figure something out.:-D

Cool Off

7:44pm..The time on my computer. Not that late yet so I decided to check my withering blog. Unfortunately, due to my being a moron, which I think is innate has stroke again. I deleted one my supposed posts and it really pissed me off. Anyway, this past days I noticed that the posts I'd been putting on my blog are all the same. I couldn't really explain but one thing for sure, these days I've decided to take a vacation from writing. Cool off, I guess if compared to relationships. Not this month but sooner. I'll take it slowly for I can't seem to find the deep words I've been cerebrating. It's like I've written them for the purpose of putting something on my blog. Besides, I think and hope that I'll be bound somewhere to fulfill my dreams and maybe remove "un" from unfullfilled, take a shot on second chances. I should end my quite sedentary lifestyle here at home because reality is banging at my door and I can't seem to ignore it any longer. Too much drama!->superlative to the highest level!

I finished Anne Rice's Mayfair Chronicles, took me a month to read all the three books which is way overdue. There's still a lot of books to finish and explore.So right now, I'll try to finish those good reads. It's 8:10pm. Another overdue for a short post.

Start Counting

It seemed like yesterday when I was scribbling my first post for August and now I'm doing the same thing except that it's already September. Indeed, days passed by fleetingly unnoticed, even more when something keeps your precious time. Gee, it was a well-spent time on my case putting a big grin on my face. Wee! Keep those stuffs comin'!

Perseverance and hardwork paid off and hopefully will continue to pave way for more. Thanks to Unravel, Experience, my neglected travel blog but unexpectedly my indirect fortune tree. As a sign of my thank you to my travel blog, I wish to go journey to an undiscovered place or anywhere to rejuvenate my dormant Unravel, Experience. Then again, still a wish...soon!

September, start of the BER month. People have begun counting the days for Christmas is near and the year is soon going to end.  Another year means another one year addition to our age. We can never really tell time. I'm getting old! Now, I can really relate to the facebook fanpage that says "Remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"....so damn true!

Feel like it

I was kinda busy lately. Really?! Was I?! Nah..I'm just assuming. No, honestly I was partly busy. What's happening to me?!

Seriously, I was really partly busy to write a post slash article but now, obviously I'm not anymore and I feel like writing again. Something just popped into my mind and it just feels good to get to know more about the writer in me. It's been a while and I miss writing. So what happened? A lot. When I say a lot, it's as many as gumballs in a candy machine. It won't probably fit in here and most of them are boring and I don't want to kill somebody with boredom. Maybe a little sneak peek to cure curiosities and since that is the case, brace yourselves for my whines and rants!

I am hooked to Scrubs and I am falling in love with Zach Braff which is ridiculous because it would be the greatest miracle if he and I would go on a date and marry, but who knows? Nothing's impossible. Ugh! Dream on! Anyway, the one thing I like about Scrubs is that behind those funny scripts are hidden lessons which are logical and intellectual mind buglers.  I super like it and in relation to that, thoughts just keep on popping in my mind too!  What an exercise to the remarkable human brain.

Two things really triggered me to write a post which are "some people are way too conscious about what other people would say" and "some are too conceited to think highly of themselves when they are not half the person they think they are."  I oftentimes say that I'm beautiful. Does it count as being conceited? Nah, I'm not really serious with those.  Geez,  don't believe everything I say! But back on track, I sure am a liar if I won't admit that I was self conscious and was conceited.  As a young adult and maybe becoming a mature individual (still in question), I've realized a few things. That living in a world full of lies , pretenses, and hiding behind the mask are crap!  That trying to live with somebody else's expectation is like  wearing a costume for the sake of getting an award but you know you're not comfortable and you don't deserve it. Did I compare that right? I don't know. I'm babbling again. I don't really know their reasons anyway. I'm still figuring out more important things than bother with their miseries that only they can help themselves.  

Gosh! Is this me? I've been writing about mature stuffs on this blog. Now I can say I'm a grown-up! Hahahah! Cheesiest shit I've written with the inclusion of myself in the picture! Yikes! It scares me! LMAO! Better get back to Facebooking!

Phat Flats

Friends are like shoes..

Sometimes I kind of link friends to shoes. Pretty, sophisticated, gets ugly or becomes valuable from wear and tear. Now, there are different kinds of shoes. My ideal pair are heels. They're sexy, and beautiful. It stands out in the crowd unlike the flats. Simple and nothing extraordinary.

At first, you select your friends. You select the heels, the ideal ones. Eventually you realize that mostly, ideal is equal to superficial. After hours of wearing one, your feet aches and you find out its real motive. True friends for me are more like flats. Though they are simple and doesn't stand out, they go more than skin-deep. They are one of your comfort zones but doesn't stop you if you want to go out of your shell. Wearing it for hours doesn't hurt but you know that it's always there to protect your feet from the cruelty of the roads, stones and thorns, then you appreciate the real beauty of flats.

True friends are flats...

I dedicate this post to all my friends and to those who are worthy to be called friends in celebration of Friendship Day!

Again

Long, hot, stressful day it was. I was tired physically. I am tired still, not physically. Is it really meant for me? Am I destined to become one? Because I don't want to become one. Is it about stability? I like that but nothing is stable. It's how you make out of life.

I want to see the different angles of the so-called "cityscapes." I want to escape from this prison cells called poverty and innocence. That might save me from poverty but innocence? How about inexperienced? I have this feeling that staying here is like building a wall between my own smalltown and the big city. And I don't want to hate my hometown because of it nor hating "it." It's payback time, I know. Part of me wants to pursue and go deeper as a sign of my eternal gratitude but becoming one is like chaining myself from fulfilling my dreams. For fulfilling what I really wanted.

As I've tried to start planning the design of my stepping stones to reach my dreams, it comes blocking my way.It always does and then just leaves me, them, us hanging. It confuses me yet I sometimes think that maybe I was really destined for it. That fate had long finished my story and just waiting for it to be published.

Whatever happens, I hope I can make everyone happy whatever HAPPYness means.

For Augustus

So here I am again on my writer's block, thinking about something to write. A lot of mind buggling stuffs going through my hard-as-a-rock head. Anyway, what happened in July? July was unhealthy!

1. 
   
   First, everyone at home got sick. Damn that was. Ate first then dad got coughs in which cancer sticks were to blame. Mom followed through. The doctor said it was a pinched nerve. Then, I got a cold coupled with headaches and fever. I refused to take meds and insisted that the healing power of water is immeasurable. It did'nt fail me and then my younger brother.
2. 
   
   Now, I'm rich as an Arab Prince.  Why? I've got millions of coin marks on my legs caused by insect bites. Grrr! For two decades, I've been taking care of my legs and in less than a month, the two decades have been a waste. Well, that's how life is. Where's the fun in perfection right?
3. 
   
   Lastly, my favorite pet dog died. Sad, but he's dead. There's no sense in crying over spilt milk. 

Well, oh well. I'll take note of the motto "Prevention is better than cure."

July's still the same, financially. "I'm still broke" eventhough I was paid for an article I wrote for my blog. The problem? I can't cash it out but I wont go further into that, maybe in due time. Job? Still a question I can't answer. Though I followed their wants, advices, and I guess I did my best.

And as I look forward to ending my relationship with writing for a while, $$$ walked past me. Who can ignore that?! I've been waiting for that opportunity without me calling it. So my plans have changed and decided to take a shot hoping it's not a scam. Besides, there's nothing to lose, well a little bit of my effort but at least it will kill my time and I'd prefer taking a risk than do nothing. In the end, it's just a matter of winning and losing. Losing but at the same time learning. It's still a win-win on my part. That's what I call positivity!

I'm not the sort who relies on horoscope when it comes to managing my everyday life but July was my month of desperation and depression so to speak. So I kinda peeked into my "mysterious but successful" future and saw that money's on the top list for August. Nothing to worry about since it's a positive prediction and because of that, I'll be doing my part to get those cold hard cash! As I've said, I can't still answer any questions about job. When I'm speaking of a job, it's the real thing and my intuition tells me that August is not yet time for me to commit to a real job so I'll stick first with the $$$ I was talking about earlier.

I also had and still have a fair share when it comes to emotional depression but if I stress my self thinking over and over about it, I'd go crazy, unfulfilled, and worst, a trash. It's better not to talk about it 'cause I know everything will be fixed in due time. As they say "everything ends up alright and if it's not alright, then it's not yet the end. So so true!

I better end this rubbish of mine and suprisingly as I scrolled, this is the longest post I've made on this blog. What a record!

Perfecta Turns Gold

I was actually planning of writing a long post for my mom to show how much she is appreciated but I thought twice for I believe that it is better to show gratitude in action rather than write flowery words that cost nothing as compared to my mom's well done job. So here is a short poem for her that I would like to share to serve as a production number. The main show is comin' up later.


Peace and serenity is all I want for you, hope you'll have that for eternity.

Eyes are reflection of your wizened years, more glorious years to come.

Rain, flood won't tear you up, I know you're sturdier beyond your frail body.

Face that laughs when happy and cries when sad, the face I'll never forget.

Egos and prides you dont have when it comes to family, highly appreciated.

Cured us with your care and love, your the best doctor.

Trusting and a person who doesn't ask anything in return, so unselfish!

Above all, your the best mom, words are not enough.

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY! 

Cold Feet

I'm staring at the ceiling I can't see. It's dark except for the few streaks of light coming from the window opposite me. It's an hour close to midnight. Earpiece plugged into my ear and I have listened to a couple of playlists already but the songs don't seem to saturate. There's a lot going through my mind. They seemed endless.

Time can be so deceiving. How did it tick so fast just like that without me knowing? Two days from now, I'd be tied down to an eternity of bliss. Or an aeon of wretchedness. Months ago I was having butterflies in my stomach and now I feel like vomitting. Probably my stomach is already done digesting those butterflies and I just want to spit out realizing that it's not good for me after all.

Of course I love him. More than my own life. Out of the millions out there, I chose him above the rest. Not my ideal man but in his eyes I can only see me. No doubt about that. He's not good at giving what I want but he sure ranks number one in giving me what I need. How can I be so questioning and not trusting?

But I'm scared. Scared to death for I know that the only thing constant is change. What if everything changes after I tie the sacred knot? There's a chance that I will be left out with a broken heart and an empty soul.

I looked at the clock again and it's running tick tock tick tock. So fast, it's almost a blur. I wish I had more time. I wish I had that time to sort my tangled mind before I walk down that aisle, him waiting at the end.

Man’s BFF, My BFF

The sun came down. The sky is starless. The ground is moist from the recent rain. The rain passed but inside me the storm is still lashing its wrath. My heart is heavy. I've tried to but it's impossible. I was careless and insensitive. I hate myself! I could have made a difference but the fight was over. There's nothing I could do.

We would be digging his grave tomorrow. I don't want to cry but there's a big lump on my throat. My baby, my son, my love, deceased. I will always love my Teddie, my Tatum, Titus, man's bestfriend, my bestfriend.

This post is in memory of him...RIP. (Summer of 2007-July 2010)

"God's finger touched him, and he slept."-Alfred, Lord Tennyson