Perfecta Turns Gold

I was actually planning of writing a long post for my mom to show how much she is appreciated but I thought twice for I believe that it is better to show gratitude in action rather than write flowery words that cost nothing as compared to my mom's well done job. So here is a short poem for her that I would like to share to serve as a production number. The main show is comin' up later.

Peace and serenity is all I want for you, hope you'll have that for eternity.
Eyes are reflection of your wizened years, more glorious years to come.
Rain, flood won't tear you up, I know you're sturdier beyond your frail body.
Face that laughs when happy and cries when sad, the face I'll never forget.
Egos and prides you dont have when it comes to family, highly appreciated.
Cured us with your care and love, your the best doctor.
Trusting and a person who doesn't ask anything in return, so unselfish!
Above all, your the best mom, words are not enough.



Cold Feet

I'm staring at the ceiling I can't see. It's dark except for the few streaks of light coming from the window opposite me. It's an hour close to midnight. Earpiece plugged into my ear and I have listened to a couple of playlists already but the songs don't seem to saturate. There's a lot going through my mind. They seemed endless.

Time can be so deceiving. How did it tick so fast just like that without me knowing? Two days from now, I'd be tied down to an eternity of bliss. Or an aeon of wretchedness. Months ago I was having butterflies in my stomach and now I feel like vomitting. Probably my stomach is already done digesting those butterflies and I just want to spit out realizing that it's not good for me after all.

Of course I love him. More than my own life. Out of the millions out there, I chose him above the rest. Not my ideal man but in his eyes I can only see me. No doubt about that. He's not good at giving what I want but he sure ranks number one in giving me what I need. How can I be so questioning and not trusting?

But I'm scared. Scared to death for I know that the only thing constant is change. What if everything changes after I tie the sacred knot? There's a chance that I will be left out with a broken heart and an empty soul.

I looked at the clock again and it's running tick tock tick tock. So fast, it's almost a blur. I wish I had more time. I wish I had that time to sort my tangled mind before I walk down that aisle, him waiting at the end.


Man’s BFF, My BFF

The sun came down. The sky is starless. The ground is moist from the recent rain. The rain passed but inside me the storm is still lashing its wrath. My heart is heavy. I've tried to but it's impossible. I was careless and insensitive. I hate myself! I could have made a difference but the fight was over. There's nothing I could do.

We would be digging his grave tomorrow. I don't want to cry but there's a big lump on my throat. My baby, my son, my love, deceased. I will always love my Teddie, my Tatum, Titus, man's bestfriend, my bestfriend.

This post is in memory of him...RIP. (Summer of 2007-July 2010)

"God's finger touched him, and he slept."-Alfred, Lord Tennyson



I saw you in my dream. You were pitch-black, hazy, near and distant.  It woke me up and my heart thumped. Thumped like fast drumbeats. I can't remember the last time I dreamed of you. It troubled me. I was wrong in saying I forgot about you. I'm not sure I can but definitely maybe. I don't  know where you are. All I know is you're here in my mind. Sure to stay for a while.

I pressed the phone and checked the clock. All I hear is heavy breathing and constant snoring upstairs. The rest are silence. Defeaning silence. Great, sleep had totally left me. It has been aloof to me lately and now, I need to woo it again. I got up and turned on the damn machine. I browsed to while away the time until sleep decides to come back. It's 2am. They said that it's the devil's hour. Should I believe them? The dogs started howling. I'm not scared. That dream made me brave for a second. You made me brave. 

As I browsed, I saw you. Smiling and still. You're different the first time I saw you. I would be happy to see you with someone. Happy and hurt. I won't be surprised if you get married soon, you're not getting any younger. I won't be surprised but again that would hurt. Really hurt. You can never be mine. If time comes when we meet, maybe I'll pretend that I forgot your name, maybe I'll take the opposite turn, maybe you'll say hey, maybe you'll say you miss me, or maybe not, maybe...a lot of maybes.



After years of waiting, finally I have it in my hands. Two fruitful years, that's how long it took for its completion. Bound with a hard material and made up of glossy pages, one can easily throw it in a fire and turn it into ashes. I hope not for although it's just made of something that can easily be burnt, it costs a million dreams, nostalgias and memories that turns it into a priceless gem. Our yearbook. Our Class had waited for it and now we have a hard copy of our memories during the times of toil, hardwork, sleepless nights burning the candle, and laughter.

( bear with my poor photography skills, if these are even considered as part of photography)

I'm a bit unsatisfied with my yearbook picture-as always just like the first time I saw it way back then. Tsk, tsk, tsk.


Here Comes July

June was over and here comes July. June wasn't kind of bad as I thought it would. I have discovered a lot of hidden talents, if those are talents and devoured myself into reading and writing, all geeky stuffs. Good thing, at least I did something productive. The use of the internet has always been useful. I don't think I can live longer without it now that I have tasted it's unrelenting spices. What a description but I found it appropriate to describe "internet". I had also missed a lot of opportunities adding more twists and turns into my winding, road-like existence. Plotted new plans that hopefully and eventually will come into a beautiful reality.

Now that June was over, I would be looking forward to millions of stuffs this month of July. Important, insignificant, detailed and nonspecific. Regardless, something to keep my cup brewing. Isn't that exciting? I am still broke like a rat. I can smell green in the air but I just can't seem to grab it. It's like your neighbor is cooking your favorite food and the only thing you could do is smell but unable to taste it. How frustrating but that's how money works. You need to work hard for it. I am still discovering the wonders of blogging. Improve traffic, get cash. Get cash? How am I going to get cash the easy way through blogging? Again, you need to work hard for money. I am running in circles, getting nowhere.  

July, july, july! Oh yeah, Mom's Golden year! I would be writing something about that maybe later of this month. I have come across on how to make oatmeal cookie, polvoron and recycle old t-shirts. The only thing lacking is action to make solid proofs of those and July would be the month. I need to slough off my stubborness and menopausal attitude this month and forever! I think I'd be writing about happy posts this time unlike my June posts, they're pretty gloomy and negative I guess. Maybe something about productivity or maybe not. I'll just publish what's available.

Positivity! Happy thoughts! More posts! These are things I'm going to need this month! Aye, aye!