Cold Feet

I'm staring at the ceiling I can't see. It's dark except for the few streaks of light coming from the window opposite me. It's an hour close to midnight. Earpiece plugged into my ear and I have listened to a couple of playlists already but the songs don't seem to saturate. There's a lot going through my mind. They seemed endless.

Time can be so deceiving. How did it tick so fast just like that without me knowing? Two days from now, I'd be tied down to an eternity of bliss. Or an aeon of wretchedness. Months ago I was having butterflies in my stomach and now I feel like vomitting. Probably my stomach is already done digesting those butterflies and I just want to spit out realizing that it's not good for me after all.

Of course I love him. More than my own life. Out of the millions out there, I chose him above the rest. Not my ideal man but in his eyes I can only see me. No doubt about that. He's not good at giving what I want but he sure ranks number one in giving me what I need. How can I be so questioning and not trusting?

But I'm scared. Scared to death for I know that the only thing constant is change. What if everything changes after I tie the sacred knot? There's a chance that I will be left out with a broken heart and an empty soul.

I looked at the clock again and it's running tick tock tick tock. So fast, it's almost a blur. I wish I had more time. I wish I had that time to sort my tangled mind before I walk down that aisle, him waiting at the end.