Cyber Love

You beeped "Hi" and my "Hello" shifted from sappy jokes to maudlin visions of romance.

I hate cheesy conversations but ours just tickled my walled and calloused heart.

I asked for the truth but you chose to deceive me.

I soared into cloud nine but you pulled me down with your lie.

Your avowals drowned me but your melancholic past breathed air into my choking heart.

And I gave you that second chance we both deserve. I can't help it, I have affinity for the broken.

Maybe because I see a part of me in you that was never loved, trying to fit in and hungry for home.

I decided to love you despite it all and when I saw your imperfections, I have loved you even more.  

It was a choice up to now I'm elated to have made.

Even though you are someone from the other side of my monitor, I have learned to love you.

I love you not because our dirty talks aroused me but because your intelligence is sexy.

I love you not because you have wits but because your silly jokes make me genuinely laugh.

It seems like I have known you my entire life and we agree on almost anything.

I love to hear your voice and pixelated face at night.

I love how your voice sounds, so boyish and sweet although it cracks sometimes due to crappy connections.

I love the way you sweep off your bangs and how you grin although at times it freezes.

I love you not because of the superficial things you can offer me.

But it's because of the admirable traits you don't know you have.

And finally, when I saw, held and kissed you that night, I just knew it was you. 

To me you are amazing. I wonder why some people can't see that but I guess that's their problem, not yours.

I am glad my impulsive typing on the keyboard turned a simple Hi into quixotic I love yous and a promise of forever. 

I love you my cyber love and I'm looking forward to our infinity. 

 

 

 

Reverie

     Thoughts are in disarray like this chaotic head of mine. I want them organized, put them into writing and  transform them into a poem so sublime it'll make you envisage that it's all about you. Yet you keep running in my head, round and round. You make me forget the words but I'd trade those thousand words just to see your silhouette.  Your visage radiates in my head it blinds me but in a good way. Don't you ever get tired? I don't think so because I won't let you. I want you there. No, I love you in there even if it meant sleepless nights. You wake me up in the wee hours and it seems prevalent these past months. You are my first thought. I wake up because of you. It's always you. I love you and I never want to end this euphoria, not today, not in forever. The fire you kindled in my heart is always burning, walloping. I wish you could see it, feel it.

 

 



I love you and I miss you. Everyday. Believe me when I say I do.

Share My Sunrise

 

 

 

The winter chill of this Arabian desert is piercing me from skin to bones.

I can't wait for the sun to rise.

I can't wait for it to envelope this cold and foggy morning with it's warmth and glow.

How it scares the shadows wrapping the small mosque not far from me is truly picturesque.

How it makes the tips of the dates' leaves sparkly is captivating.

My view here is magnificent as I wait for the tots to come. 

I wish you're here with me, sharing this breathtaking moment together.

I hope one day we could have memories of watching the sun rise and seeing the world wake up with only our synced heartbeats as melody.

Maybe one day I can finally whisper I love you while we stand hand in hand under the blue and tangerine sky.

 

 

One Year More

It's past 1am and I'm already sleepy but I don't want to sleep yet.  My phone's playing the saved songs and my roommate is probably having her dreams. The last two days had been terrible due to rain and harsh wind which cause our umbrellas to turn upside down. I really want to write something different and nice today but I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing. This is the second draft I made because the internet connection fucked up and I lost my first draft.

The month of September marks another year of my life. My birthdays don't excite me that much but I'm really thankful with the life that has been given to me and appreciate the people who made my life more meaningful. My undying thanks! I wish myself more birthdays to come coupled with happiness and contentment.☺

Few days before my 24th birthday. (This photo is proof that I super love myself, a narcissist.LOL)

For the last couple of months, I was really feeling happy but just this afternoon, my spirit is down because I know I made some pretty lame alibis that might have disappointed and hurt other people's feelings. It might have hurt them but I know I did the right thing because I dont want to make complicated things become more complicated. I don't want to entangle myself to a relationship which I'm not part of in the first place.

Matters of the heart can become so complicated but love sometimes work that way. Of course, I'm not talking about my love story because mine hasn't come yet. LoL! I'm talking about these two people I know who found love in each other's arm but both of  them are tied down to their own unhappy married life. Oh well, love works in a different way. I wish them the best whatever that is. ♥

Cold Feet

I'm staring at the ceiling I can't see. It's dark except for the few streaks of light coming from the window opposite me. It's an hour close to midnight. Earpiece plugged into my ear and I have listened to a couple of playlists already but the songs don't seem to saturate. There's a lot going through my mind. They seemed endless.

Time can be so deceiving. How did it tick so fast just like that without me knowing? Two days from now, I'd be tied down to an eternity of bliss. Or an aeon of wretchedness. Months ago I was having butterflies in my stomach and now I feel like vomitting. Probably my stomach is already done digesting those butterflies and I just want to spit out realizing that it's not good for me after all.

Of course I love him. More than my own life. Out of the millions out there, I chose him above the rest. Not my ideal man but in his eyes I can only see me. No doubt about that. He's not good at giving what I want but he sure ranks number one in giving me what I need. How can I be so questioning and not trusting?

But I'm scared. Scared to death for I know that the only thing constant is change. What if everything changes after I tie the sacred knot? There's a chance that I will be left out with a broken heart and an empty soul.

I looked at the clock again and it's running tick tock tick tock. So fast, it's almost a blur. I wish I had more time. I wish I had that time to sort my tangled mind before I walk down that aisle, him waiting at the end.

A Tribute

It's a nice Sunday. It rained for a while but the sun started peeking out. Today is Father's Day and another reason to celebrate Sunday. Actually I'd written a blog already for this occassion however, I'm still having second thoughts if I'm going to publish it or not. It's more of a rant rather than I love you's and thank you's. I don't want to be a party pooper for daddy's girls, boys and to the rest of the dads out there so I'll just say HAPPY FATHER's DAY to my dad.

For the best!

Alcoholic?

Headache. Vertigo. These two are my everyday companion. My morning appetizer. How ironic. It's 10:00 already. I tried to get up but my head is still spinning. I can hear the rooster crowing in the distant. In this time of day? My brows puckered. I laughed. I'm stupid.

I slowly got up from the dirty maze of pillows and linens. I looked around and I can see chaos, pandemonium, turmoil. I dont care. I went to the bathroom.Washed my face and stared into the man in front of me. Bloodshot eyes, creased forehead and scanty graying mane. Everyday I see this man. I hate him. Loathed him to the extent that I want to kill him but I'm not a murderer.

The pan sizzled as I descended the stairs. She stared at me. "Did you heat some water", my croaky voice asked. No reply. I made myself a cup of coffee, sat at the terrace and stared into space. I thought about last night.

In a trance. Added by a few laughs, talks. Talking about anything. True or false? It doesn't matter. Problems evaporate. That was clear to me. That's the reason why I love it. The reason why I kept coming back for it.  My sweet escape.

A vague memory of last night. Talk, confrontation, clash, argument, fight, skirmish, battle, broken glass? At home? Her? I don't want to think about it.

I finished my coffee. I'm excited. Tonight will be another night. Night of trance like state.