There's something strange and powerful about black-and-white imagery.-Stefan Kanfer

Top: Shot of a painting at a friend's house in Tacloban, Philippines.
 I took a photo of the old Bell Tower in Dumaguete, Philippines

Top: White flower bloomed at our house
Bottom: Ormoc, Philippines Bell Tower

Teddie, family pet

Top: Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral
Bottom: At Taoist Temple Cebu, Philippines



It's been a month. One long, struggling month. Almost forty days.  I am here riding a cab, looking at the horizon. It's empty but mirage. I can sense that the cabbie is glancing at me through the mirror from time to time. I wanted to shout at him and say "what?!" but instead I ignored him. I don't think I have enough strength to do that. We're almost there. I can see from the distance the dilapidated house. Abandoned.

I unlocked the bolt. Got inside and smelled the lush vegetation. A rat ran past me. I slowly walked inside and put my bag on the empty, dusty table. I gazed around. Gosh, I miss this place. I miss the inhabitants of this place. How long has it been? The wall clock chimed. I can't believe it's still working. I went into the kitchen. Everything seems to be in order except for the dusts on the counters and appliances.

I went upstairs, entered the familiar room. Books stacked along the bookshelf. The bed is scruffy. When I left years ago, the sheet on that bed was well tucked in. I left screaming and shouting to my hearts content. I didn't listen to the beggings, cryings, and sorrys when it was my fault all along.

I looked at the antique dresser and saw that old frame. I came closer and watched the familiar face, eyes glittering with happiness. It was taken during mothe'rs day. I was the one who took it. My throat aches. Suddenly, there's a lump on my throat. I picked up the frame. I tried to suppress the pain but I can't help it. Pain and grief are enveloping me. I'm missing her. I can never see that face smile at me again. Not even a scold, not even a nag. I'm so sorry. I love you. I know it's too late for that. Tears suddenly came rushing down my cheeks. 


Cebu City

Queen City of the South or better known as Cebu City opened the door for me towards a greater opportunity and a different kind of adventure. I had my first step in Cebu way back 2008. I also had my first airplane ride that time.

There are many places to visit when you're in Cebu knowing that it's one of the biggest city in the Philippines like their beaches, the metro, its islands and a whole lot more. Although I'd live there for almost two years, I admit that I wasn't able to visit all the wonderful places in Cebu, not even half of it.

Magellan's Cross. Easy to find because all the Cebuanos know where this is. You can ride a cab or a jeepney (jeeps are marked with numbers) depending on your location. The streets for this is either Osmena Blvd. or Magallanes St. Based on my observation, if you can't speak bisaya, better speak English. Cebuanos prefer English than Filipino (country's language).

A few steps from Magellan's cross, you can find the Basilica Minore del Sto. Nino.

One of the white sand beaches of Cebu. This is somewhere in Lapu-lapu in one of our team buildings.

Sinulog. Cebuano's annual celebration to honor their patron Sto. Nino. This happens every first month of the year. One of the most celebrated festivals/fiestas in the Philippines.

We had a picture in one of the participants of Sinulog Festival. Cute! Fun, fun, fun but the downside? Prepare those spa-pampered feet for a long walk.

You could try to check its islands like Bantayan, Malapascua (for diving), Camotes, and etc. There are also good places to visit around the metro for example, the Zipline (Tops), Crown Regency's sky adventures, Taoist Temple, clubs, malls and more. As I've mentioned, there's still a lot of places I have failed to visit when I was in Cebu. I hope I could go back there.

More pictures?

A Tribute

It's a nice Sunday. It rained for a while but the sun started peeking out. Today is Father's Day and another reason to celebrate Sunday. Actually I'd written a blog already for this occassion however, I'm still having second thoughts if I'm going to publish it or not. It's more of a rant rather than I love you's and thank you's. I don't want to be a party pooper for daddy's girls, boys and to the rest of the dads out there so I'll just say HAPPY FATHER's DAY to my dad.

For the best!


June Brat

Lately, I've been looking at old photographs sometimes wishing that I can turn the hands of time. Although they say that nothing is impossible, I know that this case is an exception. I can never return to yesterday. All I can do is remember.

I remember back then when I used to play with my brother. We played house together with my two older sisters. Us, holding three Barbies and him, holding his toy Batman. His toy Batman had long been crippled same with his other miniature superhero toys. I remember when we used to fight about candies, chocolates and taking turns riding the bike. Talk about the previous episodes of Power Rangers, Ghost Fighter, Dragonball Z and end up arguing. Laugh together when we see someone step over a pile of dog's poop. Those were my childhood  days with my brother.

I took another photoalbum and crap, another set of my brother's photos. I scanned every page of that album and watched my brother grow. From an inch hair to a mass of nest-like locks. From clean cut to a week-old beard. From smooth to acne-covered face. From a 12' school ruler to a towering 5'8 pinnacle. Geez! How fast that was. We can never really tell until it slaps us in the face. As I close the photoalbum. I heard him shout, calling my name. My brother never calls me Ate or Ditse, it doesn't really matter. I'm already used to it. I watch him come close and realized a lot of things.

Growing up as an only boy and the youngest have it's privileges and disappointments. Privileges on his part because he gets everything what he wants. He grew up as a spoiled brat! If that's privileges, I'm already having second thoughts. Disappointments on my parent's behalf or probably the consequences of their actions? I can never tell for parents want what's best for their children. Before, my brother used to listen to us regarding unimportant small things but now I wonder, why is it so hard for him to lend an ear for bigger things that really matter?  Education, future plans, all seemed to be meaningless to him. Must be too big then huh?

I hope one day my brother will realize that everything changes. He can always be a spoiled brat whenever he likes to but nobody's always there to spoil him. I wish him happiness, success and most of all a clear mind to think things through as he celebrate another year of his life.



Voodoo Doll for Keeps

My  week usually starts with Monday and isn't it a good way to start your week by receiving something from someone special, someone dear to you? Earlier between 3:30 to 4:45 am, I've got a little dolly from my sister. It's a little doll key chain and I like it. Wait, it's a bit of an understatement. I love it! It may look simple and a mediocre to some. A cliche but "it's the thought that counts" right? This is a voodoo doll key chain. As we all know, Voodoo dolls are believed to be the works of evil bringing bad luck to another person but I'm not going to join the bandwagon. This doll will be the perfect symbol of our sisterly bond. 
I found this really nice poem (by an anonymous writer). I sincerely dedicate it to my two sisters! Here it goes:

You've been my sister
for many years,
We've laughed together
And shed some tears.
We've had harsh words,
And pulled some hair
But against the world
We are a terrific pair.
Our times together are very few,
I just want to say I LOVE YOU!  



Headache. Vertigo. These two are my everyday companion. My morning appetizer. How ironic. It's 10:00 already. I tried to get up but my head is still spinning. I can hear the rooster crowing in the distant. In this time of day? My brows puckered. I laughed. I'm stupid.

I slowly got up from the dirty maze of pillows and linens. I looked around and I can see chaos, pandemonium, turmoil. I dont care. I went to the bathroom.Washed my face and stared into the man in front of me. Bloodshot eyes, creased forehead and scanty graying mane. Everyday I see this man. I hate him. Loathed him to the extent that I want to kill him but I'm not a murderer.

The pan sizzled as I descended the stairs. She stared at me. "Did you heat some water", my croaky voice asked. No reply. I made myself a cup of coffee, sat at the terrace and stared into space. I thought about last night.

In a trance. Added by a few laughs, talks. Talking about anything. True or false? It doesn't matter. Problems evaporate. That was clear to me. That's the reason why I love it. The reason why I kept coming back for it.  My sweet escape.

A vague memory of last night. Talk, confrontation, clash, argument, fight, skirmish, battle, broken glass? At home? Her? I don't want to think about it.

I finished my coffee. I'm excited. Tonight will be another night. Night of trance like state.



Flock of birds flying south. The clouds in unison. Darkening the already dimmed sky. A rumble somewhere, sign of an incoming rain. People in a hurry on this busy street, afraid of getting wet. Not for me.

Everyday, I saunter this harried aisle. My death march. Weary, that's what I am. Wish I could let go but no. Cowardice is for the weak. I don't belong there anymore.

As I drift into nothingness, I saw your bleak visage. Haunting me. The gaping hole tearing me as I go down memory lane. The rain poured. Trickling. Disguising the onslaught of tears.

A decade ago you were my silent reverie turned reality. The meaning of my existence until that horrible day. You left, left me dying. I wish I knew why. I was clueless. I am still clueless.

Time flies by. Today is my renaissance. I am stronger. I am numb, numb most of the time. I am loving and hating myself. I wish you could see the new me.

The rain stopped. The night is starless.A whiff of air on my dirty face. I'm back to reality. I'd be traversing this streets again. I'd be fording ditches as I laugh in my own world. 


Time Machine Is Set To 6 Years Ago

I was leafing some blogs and found this one. Time to fill in some forms. Again, I'm nostalgic..

BACK TO 4th year high school (between year 2003-2004). Let's see how much I remember...
and how much I regret..

1. What section were you?
Senior's section were categorized based on scientist's name back then. Pathetic me, I can't remember the darn name of the scientist. All I know is that I was in the last section out of 6. It goes to show that I'm really dumb.Hahahaha!

2. Who were your seatmates?
Arthur and Novie. Arthur and I used to whisper behind Novie's back. We're so mean!

3. Still remember your english teacher?
Yup. Mrs. Acedo. Although she keeps on repeating her lessons, but for me she is the best english teacher I had so far.

4. What was your first class?
I think that was Economics under Ms. Bibat, our adviser. I was always late.Tsk, tsk, tsk!

5. Who were your best[classmates]?
 J3AESRAC + Rhea, Gracezeille, Rollie. Arthur was my only classmate in this list, the rest are my schoolmates.

6. Who was your crush back then?
Hmmnnn..secret! Honestly, I can't remember his name.

7. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend? 
I was self-centered and too in love with myself back then.

8. How was your class schedule?

9. Made any enemies?
Hmnnn...not sure, never had a catfight.

10. Who was your favorite teacher?
Sir Tan, our math teacher. His class was boring and we always had time to chat with my seatmate. I like him because he didn't mind.

11. What sport did you play?
I was never into sports during highschool.

12. Did you buy your lunch?

13. Were you a party animal?
Not really.

14. Were you well known in your school?
Hell no!


16. Did you get suspended/expelled?
Almost for being late and cutting classes that branched into multiple problems.

17. Can you sing the alma mater?
O'course. It goes like this.."Silahis ang katulad mong nagsabog ng liwanag...naah!" I'm quite off-key!

18. What was/were your favorite subjects?
English- the only subject where I learned.

19. Did you go to the dances?
Nope. I missed prom!

20. Where did you go most often during breaks?
Mall, Arthur's house and watch porn (fill in my curious mind), canteen.

21. If you could go back in time and do it all over, or change something,would you?
Definitely Yes minus the vices.

22. What do you remember most about 4th year?
Breaking rules (cutting classes, smoking, cheating during exams and a lot more), friends, CAT.

I miss those days...I wish I could go and turn back the hands of time.


The Fearless Maiar's Infiltrator

In my quest for inner peace and blessed solitude, I have met the Fearless Maiar. For almost twenty three years of my life, I thought I have gained the power of self control but I was wrong. You might be wondering who or what is a fearless maiar. The fearless maiar is a potbellied beast, who has hooves for a feet and a snout that spurts a green mucus in the sudden burst of it's laughter. Yes, it's almost the same as a pig and I hate to admit that the fearless maiar is more intellectually capable than me.

The fearless maiar is a she. She is the mother of all monstrosity and who ever comes in her way experiences her wrath. One example of that was when I was in my formative years. She's not yet the fearless maiar I know now. I can vaguely remember her face back then but the shame and terror I felt are still fresh. I was sitting on my throne, in perfect zen, almost in the state of nirvana as I answer the call of nature. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang as the door swung open. I scrambled to my feet and asked for her friendshp. She is willing to accept the offer but in return, I must dip my fit in the pool of excrement. Imagine how a cute child would feel. Dip her feet in that yellow almost greeny goop? Gross! Stupid I was, I did it and friendship granted.

After many years in alliance with the fearless maiar, life has never been easy. Long years of struggle and endurance. Yes, there are years of sunshines but pain and gruesomeness are second only in definition if you're with this vile fiend.

Now, as I wake up from this nightmarish slumber, I have come up with a few clever plans. Plans of eliminating this behemoth, the cause of my suffering. First in the list, make her day a total devastation by spitting phlegm on her breakfast. Disguise phlegm as a syrup on her pancakes. My evil little scheme! Wonderful! I have few more plans in my mind but I'll try this one first.

I know right now you are still in thought and still grasping if what or who the fearless maiar is. Well, the fearless maiar is my big sister(evil grin). You can actually see for yourself by going to this site: http://tthraolce.blogspot.com/

Don't take everything seriously though..LOL!



I was checking one of my social networking sites and found this blog from an acquaintance. It was written in our own vernacular and discussed about her being unemployed. I pondered on that blog because I can relate to it and it gave me a brilliant idea to write my own as well for a start.

About two years ago, a few months after graduation, I was lucky enough to get a job unlike with my other colleagues. I worked for almost two years away from my hometown. I really find working fun and very noble because you fend for yourself. I can't deny the fact that there are times when you feel sulky and just wanted to quit because everything seemed routinary and it sometimes stressed me out being a nocturnal employee but still I tried to do the best I can to get up and go to work.

Now here comes the beginning of the change when I passed the board exam. I quit my job hoping for a greener pasture. No, I was hoping for a more stable job, not that green of a pasture but sure to last for a lifetime. The way to this road is winding, muddy, and very steep. Unfortunately, I was wearing my stilletos and where are my hiking boots? So I stumbled, fell and the only way to reach the end of this road is to have those hiking boots and I don't have one. I only have my calloused feet and a broken pair of heels.

So here I am, stuck! Stuck in this small town waiting for nothing. I am one of the millions who have the word UNEMPLOYED encrypted on their forehead. I wasn't bothered at first because I thought that it would give me time to rest, unwind and sort things out. As time moves on, everything is ordinary. I start my day checking my mails and networking sites. I do the chores, surf the net, read a book, exercise, eat then repeat. A plethora of redundancy. This happens everyday since I got home. It's so stagnant. Yeah, not really stagnant because what with all the learnings from the book, net and doing a few exercises. The worst part is that I don't have a single cent in my pocket. ALARMING!

Of course, there are also these funny parts of being unemployed. I have already befriended a family of mosquitoes here in the house. They keep me company. They sing to me at night or during brownouts. They also keep my hands busy trying to give them a smacking high five every time they wanted to kiss my shapely legs. Facebook will probably award me for incurring no absences. Might be more for I've already harvested bushels of bushels of plants in farmville, sold a school of fish in fishville and gained those five stars in hotel city. I'm almost through memorizing the lyrics of plants vs. zombies' OST. I might pass for a hunter, for I scoured every nooks and crannies of our house. Useful for my next adventure then. Cool! Since I got home, I seemed to notice that mom keeps on buying those flours, baking powders or ready pancake mix and my big sissy keeps on requesting for pancakes. I might consider becoming the next pancake chef, turn those into stones and throw it to my sissy's face. That's fun!Just kidding!

Anyway, so much for that. My next move would be to get up. Since my stilletos are broken already, I would have to endure the pain of walking with barefeet and keep in mind that at the end of the road, there's a spa there waiting to pamper these worn out hooves.