Happy Holidays

The first thing that came into my mind when I decided to write this post is that the year is soon going to end. I almost forgot that there's still Christmas day to look forward to. Thanks to my freelance work, my brain is being racked to the point that I almost forgot the day Jesus was born. It's sort of a big deal for me since this is another Christmas season where I'll be going to spend Christmas at home after spending the last two years of it in a cold work cubicle.  Aside from that, the Christmas season is a form of an alarm clock which reminds us that the year is going to end. So I guess, my first thought is still given justification after all.  

Anyway, this month had commenced wonderfully for me. Although there were plans last month that had been intercepted due to certain reasons, still everything turned out to be satisfactory. This wasn't what I had hoped for but the result is far greater. Indeed, God's plans coupled with our persevering actions are way way better. For now, I'll just enjoy this month and make the most out of it!

Happy Holidays!☺

Bananarama

Looking at this photo reminds me of school. Our afternoon snack. I miss school.

"Bahala ug saging basta labing"

A wonderful statement but reality says otherwise.

Snail Mail

   A mail came by almost an hour ago. It's the old school type where the postman drops the letter at your doorstep. A snail mail as they say. The only letters we receive except for occasional family-matter letters are bills.  The letter I got was from Google and I wondered what it was. Good news,  it was some sort of a one time voucher worth a thousand bucks for me to use on my site. Bad news, it expired. I didn't go gaga over it when I opened the mail but the question is, does it take that long for us to receive the letters? I was suppose to receive it before end of September and now the first week of November is almost done. Another instance where my mom was expecting an important letter and instead of waiting she went to the post office. Guess what? The letter has been sitting there for more than a month already. What if it's a matter of life and death like someone sends you a letter cause he's dying and wanted to see you. By the time you receive it, he's been buried already. Instead of getting angry, I sort of laugh it off. The Philippine Post Office has been a subject of scrutiny as well as ridicule for sometime now not only because of the delayed deliveries but also with some serious cases of theft. Is this the kind of prize we are getting for the taxes that we are contributing just to compensate the asses of those who are not doing their job well? No wonder private companies that cater cargo and courier services are booming. 

Rain, rain go away!

Rain often times put a smile on the farmer's faces especially when there is drought. Puts us into a state where we just want to lie in bed or drink and sip a hot coffee or soup while watching the rain drop. Yesterday, it was raining cats and dogs. The wind was howling, almost uprooting some of the trees here. The rain lashed everything that blocks its way. Today, it rained again. The clouds are so thick that it made the middle afternoon look like dusk. There were times before that the rain was harder than yesterday's and today's however, it brings the memory of storm Ondoy especially now that Megi or Juan is in the country. What will Juan bring? Another Ondoy-like trauma? Good thing I live in the southern part of the Philippines but what about those who are in the northern part of the country? We can never defeat nature's wrath but there are always precautions that we can follow. I hope that the country is ready this time as a lesson learned from Ondoy and welcomes a new sunshine with everything standing still and not with corpses and broken properties. 

10.10.10

About 6 or 7 years ago, we made a pact on the big rock and coconut tree in front of MSU-High Gensan. Probably that big rock  had long been pulverized and the tree had been totally chopped down when there was a major improvement on our alma mater but our memories haven't.

J3AESRAC, the best high school barkada. Our senior year, 6 years ago. Taken after our Christmas party.

The pact was about us, to reunite on October 10, 2010. We swore that no matter how busy we are, we'll come back home wherever we are and meet again on that same spot where the big rock was once seated. But things change and we're already grownups and have our responsibilities. So I guess, it's a matter of acting as a grownup rather than compromising commitments over childish promises. This doesn't necessarily mean that friendship have been taken for granted since after all these years, we still keep in touch and remain as very good friends. I think that's all that matters.

Jervin, Jezel and Cherrie Anne are all callcenter slaves based in Manila and Davao respectively. Jessica, Alvina, and Cherrie Anne all have their very own family so it's another thing aside from school (Jessica's part)  and work that keeps them rooted where they are. Arthur is also busy setting things right with his life (hope he is serious this time) and is currently in Davao. Last time we saw Eris was around late last year to early this year. Unfortunately as of the moment, we don't have current news about her. She's also busy with her work so I guess that's for us to consider. So, it all boiled down to this...

I and Raiza. Our pre-celebration for 10.10.10. (oct. 7, 2010)

We, who have all the time in the world decided to just enjoy for the J3AESRAC's 10.10.10.

There is magic in long-distance friendships.  They let you relate to other human beings in a way that goes beyond being physically together and is often more profound.  ~Diana Cortes

A Letter

To You,

I never thought that I'd be making a post since I'd always kept our conversations very private. It's always been You and I. But I've always wanted to do this and as they say, "shout what you feel". On my part, I'll write what I feel. 

I don't intend on making a long post because I still want to keep our conversations as private as possible. I just wanted to say thank you for keeping up with me. For my stubbornness. For the lack of understanding. For the countless rants. For the immaturity. For the broken promises. For mistrust. For doubting. For being a traitor at times. For being the mean, imperfect me. 


Despite all those, You remained the opposite of who I am. You remain the perfect You. 

Thank You...
I love You...


You're always number one GOD.


From, 
Me with ♥

The Commuter

I found commuting one of the greatest hassles in life. A hassle but a remarkable experience.

I've been a commuter almost all my life. Probably started doing it on my own and acquired it as a "skill" when I was a freshman way back in high school. This is one of the effects of selling the family's car plus my siblings's and parents's schedules were conflicting already. I was really nervous back then, afraid that my fare won't be enough or I might get lost. Anyway, as time moves on, I learned the techniques of riding public jeepneys, tricycles, etc and when and how much to pay. It's just a matter of asking and sometimes arguing (kung likas na manggagantso and driver). 

It's one of the hassles of life because...

1. It's not your vehicle. You have limitations when it comes to destination. 
2. When the weather is tough and you need to go somewhere else (as in, urgent!), rides are hard to find. 
3. You get either an insult or a mocking face from the driver if you're trying to complain about being overcrowded. So, you don't really have a choice but to shut up or get out of the vehicle.
4. There are also those stupid drivers who drive as if they own the way and you hang on for your dear life. At the stop, you get a stressed face and a nauseous feeling. 
5. At peak hours, you should be vigilant, strong-willed and have those senses ready to either run after the vehicle or get mobbed by fellow commuters.

These are only a few of my bad experiences as being a commuter.

It's a remarkable experience because....

1. You get to ride (sometimes meet/know) with different people from different walks of life. 
2.  Free chismis. You get to overhear what the other passenger is talkin' about.
3.  Free movie. You get to see couples who do public-display-of-affection thingy.
4. Sometimes, you get to ride with your crush or blessedly, with your lover and hold hands while riding the time of your life. :-D
5. You have that feeling of solitude where your mind wanders anywhere despite the presence of other commuters and think about the things that happened and will happen.

There's still a lot under this list. Maybe not enough room for that so I just gave five. 

I just commuted today and overcame the fear of sitting at the tricycle's front seat after the incident 8 months ago. I'm glad I did.

Vietnamese Invasion

Generally, women are vain.

With regard to that, I was and am hooked to video logs in Youtube. These v-logs I'm subscribing are all about make-up. Although I don't put make-up all the time, I still find it necessary for us women to learn the basics. What I did? Searched Youtube and found Xteener and Michelle Phan. They are Vietnamese American girls who do make-up tutorials and do their thing well.

After viewing a vlog from someone I can't remember, I came up with Xteener. What I like about Xteener is she goes for drugstore and inexpensive products. She also gives honest reviews on the products she is using and takes her time explaining things to allow viewers to understand her tutorials. This I find very comprehensive.


After veiwing almost all of Xteener's videos, I stumbled upon Michelle Phan. Michelle Phan is very popular and I guess more popular than Xteener and she's also a video spokesperson for Lancome. So from there, you have an idea of how popular she is. The thing about Michelle is that aside from make-up tutorials, she also has beauty and style home-remedy tips. I did actually learn from her how to lengthen the size of my shoe by freezing it and it worked. Aside from that I also learned to make use of eyeshadow makeups into lip-colors with the use of petroleum jelly. 

Personally, when it comes to make-up tutorials, I prefer Xteener over Michelle Phan because she is more detailed in explaining things and if compared to gadgets, I see her as more user-friendly. I also find Xteener's tutorial more natural, fit for everyday use. For Michelle Phan, undoubtedly she is a very good make-up artist but what I love about her is her home-remedy tips. Her tips show that you can be the best you can just by being resourceful. 


"Vanity is my favourite sin." -Al Pacino

Remembering September

It's a hot first day of October. It is so hot that even while sitting, I am sweating and to think that our house is situated in a place where there are plenty of trees and vegetation. The sun is not at its full peak so I guess the right term for this is "humid." Personally, today's weather is comparable to that of September. It was not at its full peak yet it is worth the buzz! Why? Because...

September was the month for all the aftermaths that had happened in August. The "major major" thingy of Ms. Venus Raj wasn't stale yet especially when there was an additional blunder from the former Ms. Universe Gloria Diaz regarding it.  The hostage taking scene at Quirino Grand Stand was still one of the talks of the town, whether Filipinos are still allowed or not to enter the territory of Hongkong after the drama. Good news is, yes, we are still allowed to go there. At least it won't spoil the fun of the Disneyland and shopping dreamers including me. Another thing was the controversial showbiz talk like that of Mariel and Robin who had a whirlwind romance in addition to Charice's casting on Glee. It was also a month to remember the 9/11 tragedy. 

September is also my birth month that no matter what I do, it will always play a big part in my heart. Although we only had ice cream and chocolate cupcakes on my birth day still, I am thankful for reaching this age and for getting my fair share of blessings plus the greetings from family and friends are more than enough to celebrate my day. It was 23 on 23rd. Love it!

September was very fun since after months of under house arrest, I was able to see old friends. There was a lot of food and drink treats, free rides, and the never ending talks and telltales.  As a result, my energy drained. Still, it was fun, fun, fun!

Right now, Mr. Sunshine is finally out, smiling and sharing the heat. I am almost done with Percy Jackson and the Olympians and though it wasn't as good as with Harry Potter Series, I had fun adventuring with Percy.

Reason and Purpose

While waiting for a friend's SMS, I busied myself reading tweets in Twitter. I came across this user (we don't follow each other but in real life situation, I know her and vice versa) who tweeted about her not being followed and just posted her blog link. Anyway, after reading her blog, I am really impressed and got me reading into some other blogs and articles/posts. The thing here is, what's my reason for making a blog?

I was introduced to the blogosphere maybe last year but haven't given much interest to it mainly because I don't have spare time.  Earlier this year, I decided to create an account from one of the free hosting sites which is Webs.com but I was kinda having a hard time figuring it's capacities so I signed in for Blogger.com. It was sitting in an empty space for a while, devoid of blogs and posts. 

When I started bumming, I took the time of exploring the wonders of blogging. The first thing that motivated me was to write simply because it has been a passion ever since. After delving deeper into the the world of blogging, I thought, why not earn while doing what I want? I tried putting ads and stuffs on my blog as well as created posts not related to me but no success owing to a lack of research and I must admit, what am I compared to the veteran bloggers out there? So I accepted the fact that my blog is only meant for reading and not earning. After giving much thought about it, what's really my purpose for continuing the blog?

I don't really have a target audience and not much of a follower but my purpose of continuing my blog is for self satisfaction. For feeding the hunger in me due to the cravings of  passion. Though I may not always update it and comes/may come to a point where it was/will be dormant for days or months, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'll end my passion. It will be sitting and hanging here 'til I post something. 

Blog to some is like an online counterpart. There are times when it is  left hanging or no changes until we figure something out.:-D

Cool Off

7:44pm..The time on my computer. Not that late yet so I decided to check my withering blog. Unfortunately, due to my being a moron, which I think is innate has stroke again. I deleted one my supposed posts and it really pissed me off. Anyway, this past days I noticed that the posts I'd been putting on my blog are all the same. I couldn't really explain but one thing for sure, these days I've decided to take a vacation from writing. Cool off, I guess if compared to relationships. Not this month but sooner. I'll take it slowly for I can't seem to find the deep words I've been cerebrating. It's like I've written them for the purpose of putting something on my blog. Besides, I think and hope that I'll be bound somewhere to fulfill my dreams and maybe remove "un" from unfullfilled, take a shot on second chances. I should end my quite sedentary lifestyle here at home because reality is banging at my door and I can't seem to ignore it any longer. Too much drama!->superlative to the highest level!

I finished Anne Rice's Mayfair Chronicles, took me a month to read all the three books which is way overdue. There's still a lot of books to finish and explore.So right now, I'll try to finish those good reads. It's 8:10pm. Another overdue for a short post.

Start Counting

It seemed like yesterday when I was scribbling my first post for August and now I'm doing the same thing except that it's already September. Indeed, days passed by fleetingly unnoticed, even more when something keeps your precious time. Gee, it was a well-spent time on my case putting a big grin on my face. Wee! Keep those stuffs comin'!

Perseverance and hardwork paid off and hopefully will continue to pave way for more. Thanks to Unravel, Experience, my neglected travel blog but unexpectedly my indirect fortune tree. As a sign of my thank you to my travel blog, I wish to go journey to an undiscovered place or anywhere to rejuvenate my dormant Unravel, Experience. Then again, still a wish...soon!

September, start of the BER month. People have begun counting the days for Christmas is near and the year is soon going to end.  Another year means another one year addition to our age. We can never really tell time. I'm getting old! Now, I can really relate to the facebook fanpage that says "Remember when we were YOUNG and couldn't wait to grow up? ...WOW, what the hell were we thinking!?!?"....so damn true!

Feel like it

I was kinda busy lately. Really?! Was I?! Nah..I'm just assuming. No, honestly I was partly busy. What's happening to me?!

Seriously, I was really partly busy to write a post slash article but now, obviously I'm not anymore and I feel like writing again. Something just popped into my mind and it just feels good to get to know more about the writer in me. It's been a while and I miss writing. So what happened? A lot. When I say a lot, it's as many as gumballs in a candy machine. It won't probably fit in here and most of them are boring and I don't want to kill somebody with boredom. Maybe a little sneak peek to cure curiosities and since that is the case, brace yourselves for my whines and rants!

I am hooked to Scrubs and I am falling in love with Zach Braff which is ridiculous because it would be the greatest miracle if he and I would go on a date and marry, but who knows? Nothing's impossible. Ugh! Dream on! Anyway, the one thing I like about Scrubs is that behind those funny scripts are hidden lessons which are logical and intellectual mind buglers.  I super like it and in relation to that, thoughts just keep on popping in my mind too!  What an exercise to the remarkable human brain.

Two things really triggered me to write a post which are "some people are way too conscious about what other people would say" and "some are too conceited to think highly of themselves when they are not half the person they think they are."  I oftentimes say that I'm beautiful. Does it count as being conceited? Nah, I'm not really serious with those.  Geez,  don't believe everything I say! But back on track, I sure am a liar if I won't admit that I was self conscious and was conceited.  As a young adult and maybe becoming a mature individual (still in question), I've realized a few things. That living in a world full of lies , pretenses, and hiding behind the mask are crap!  That trying to live with somebody else's expectation is like  wearing a costume for the sake of getting an award but you know you're not comfortable and you don't deserve it. Did I compare that right? I don't know. I'm babbling again. I don't really know their reasons anyway. I'm still figuring out more important things than bother with their miseries that only they can help themselves.  

Gosh! Is this me? I've been writing about mature stuffs on this blog. Now I can say I'm a grown-up! Hahahah! Cheesiest shit I've written with the inclusion of myself in the picture! Yikes! It scares me! LMAO! Better get back to Facebooking!

Phat Flats

Friends are like shoes..

Sometimes I kind of link friends to shoes. Pretty, sophisticated, gets ugly or becomes valuable from wear and tear. Now, there are different kinds of shoes. My ideal pair are heels. They're sexy, and beautiful. It stands out in the crowd unlike the flats. Simple and nothing extraordinary.

At first, you select your friends. You select the heels, the ideal ones. Eventually you realize that mostly, ideal is equal to superficial. After hours of wearing one, your feet aches and you find out its real motive. True friends for me are more like flats. Though they are simple and doesn't stand out, they go more than skin-deep. They are one of your comfort zones but doesn't stop you if you want to go out of your shell. Wearing it for hours doesn't hurt but you know that it's always there to protect your feet from the cruelty of the roads, stones and thorns, then you appreciate the real beauty of flats.

True friends are flats...

I dedicate this post to all my friends and to those who are worthy to be called friends in celebration of Friendship Day!

Again

Long, hot, stressful day it was. I was tired physically. I am tired still, not physically. Is it really meant for me? Am I destined to become one? Because I don't want to become one. Is it about stability? I like that but nothing is stable. It's how you make out of life.

I want to see the different angles of the so-called "cityscapes." I want to escape from this prison cells called poverty and innocence. That might save me from poverty but innocence? How about inexperienced? I have this feeling that staying here is like building a wall between my own smalltown and the big city. And I don't want to hate my hometown because of it nor hating "it." It's payback time, I know. Part of me wants to pursue and go deeper as a sign of my eternal gratitude but becoming one is like chaining myself from fulfilling my dreams. For fulfilling what I really wanted.

As I've tried to start planning the design of my stepping stones to reach my dreams, it comes blocking my way.It always does and then just leaves me, them, us hanging. It confuses me yet I sometimes think that maybe I was really destined for it. That fate had long finished my story and just waiting for it to be published.

Whatever happens, I hope I can make everyone happy whatever HAPPYness means.

For Augustus

So here I am again on my writer's block, thinking about something to write. A lot of mind buggling stuffs going through my hard-as-a-rock head. Anyway, what happened in July? July was unhealthy!

1. 
   
   First, everyone at home got sick. Damn that was. Ate first then dad got coughs in which cancer sticks were to blame. Mom followed through. The doctor said it was a pinched nerve. Then, I got a cold coupled with headaches and fever. I refused to take meds and insisted that the healing power of water is immeasurable. It did'nt fail me and then my younger brother.
2. 
   
   Now, I'm rich as an Arab Prince.  Why? I've got millions of coin marks on my legs caused by insect bites. Grrr! For two decades, I've been taking care of my legs and in less than a month, the two decades have been a waste. Well, that's how life is. Where's the fun in perfection right?
3. 
   
   Lastly, my favorite pet dog died. Sad, but he's dead. There's no sense in crying over spilt milk. 

Well, oh well. I'll take note of the motto "Prevention is better than cure."

July's still the same, financially. "I'm still broke" eventhough I was paid for an article I wrote for my blog. The problem? I can't cash it out but I wont go further into that, maybe in due time. Job? Still a question I can't answer. Though I followed their wants, advices, and I guess I did my best.

And as I look forward to ending my relationship with writing for a while, $$$ walked past me. Who can ignore that?! I've been waiting for that opportunity without me calling it. So my plans have changed and decided to take a shot hoping it's not a scam. Besides, there's nothing to lose, well a little bit of my effort but at least it will kill my time and I'd prefer taking a risk than do nothing. In the end, it's just a matter of winning and losing. Losing but at the same time learning. It's still a win-win on my part. That's what I call positivity!

I'm not the sort who relies on horoscope when it comes to managing my everyday life but July was my month of desperation and depression so to speak. So I kinda peeked into my "mysterious but successful" future and saw that money's on the top list for August. Nothing to worry about since it's a positive prediction and because of that, I'll be doing my part to get those cold hard cash! As I've said, I can't still answer any questions about job. When I'm speaking of a job, it's the real thing and my intuition tells me that August is not yet time for me to commit to a real job so I'll stick first with the $$$ I was talking about earlier.

I also had and still have a fair share when it comes to emotional depression but if I stress my self thinking over and over about it, I'd go crazy, unfulfilled, and worst, a trash. It's better not to talk about it 'cause I know everything will be fixed in due time. As they say "everything ends up alright and if it's not alright, then it's not yet the end. So so true!

I better end this rubbish of mine and suprisingly as I scrolled, this is the longest post I've made on this blog. What a record!

Perfecta Turns Gold

I was actually planning of writing a long post for my mom to show how much she is appreciated but I thought twice for I believe that it is better to show gratitude in action rather than write flowery words that cost nothing as compared to my mom's well done job. So here is a short poem for her that I would like to share to serve as a production number. The main show is comin' up later.


Peace and serenity is all I want for you, hope you'll have that for eternity.

Eyes are reflection of your wizened years, more glorious years to come.

Rain, flood won't tear you up, I know you're sturdier beyond your frail body.

Face that laughs when happy and cries when sad, the face I'll never forget.

Egos and prides you dont have when it comes to family, highly appreciated.

Cured us with your care and love, your the best doctor.

Trusting and a person who doesn't ask anything in return, so unselfish!

Above all, your the best mom, words are not enough.

HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY! 

Cold Feet

I'm staring at the ceiling I can't see. It's dark except for the few streaks of light coming from the window opposite me. It's an hour close to midnight. Earpiece plugged into my ear and I have listened to a couple of playlists already but the songs don't seem to saturate. There's a lot going through my mind. They seemed endless.

Time can be so deceiving. How did it tick so fast just like that without me knowing? Two days from now, I'd be tied down to an eternity of bliss. Or an aeon of wretchedness. Months ago I was having butterflies in my stomach and now I feel like vomitting. Probably my stomach is already done digesting those butterflies and I just want to spit out realizing that it's not good for me after all.

Of course I love him. More than my own life. Out of the millions out there, I chose him above the rest. Not my ideal man but in his eyes I can only see me. No doubt about that. He's not good at giving what I want but he sure ranks number one in giving me what I need. How can I be so questioning and not trusting?

But I'm scared. Scared to death for I know that the only thing constant is change. What if everything changes after I tie the sacred knot? There's a chance that I will be left out with a broken heart and an empty soul.

I looked at the clock again and it's running tick tock tick tock. So fast, it's almost a blur. I wish I had more time. I wish I had that time to sort my tangled mind before I walk down that aisle, him waiting at the end.

Man’s BFF, My BFF

The sun came down. The sky is starless. The ground is moist from the recent rain. The rain passed but inside me the storm is still lashing its wrath. My heart is heavy. I've tried to but it's impossible. I was careless and insensitive. I hate myself! I could have made a difference but the fight was over. There's nothing I could do.

We would be digging his grave tomorrow. I don't want to cry but there's a big lump on my throat. My baby, my son, my love, deceased. I will always love my Teddie, my Tatum, Titus, man's bestfriend, my bestfriend.

This post is in memory of him...RIP. (Summer of 2007-July 2010)

"God's finger touched him, and he slept."-Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Maybe

I saw you in my dream. You were pitch-black, hazy, near and distant.  It woke me up and my heart thumped. Thumped like fast drumbeats. I can't remember the last time I dreamed of you. It troubled me. I was wrong in saying I forgot about you. I'm not sure I can but definitely maybe. I don't  know where you are. All I know is you're here in my mind. Sure to stay for a while.

I pressed the phone and checked the clock. All I hear is heavy breathing and constant snoring upstairs. The rest are silence. Defeaning silence. Great, sleep had totally left me. It has been aloof to me lately and now, I need to woo it again. I got up and turned on the damn machine. I browsed to while away the time until sleep decides to come back. It's 2am. They said that it's the devil's hour. Should I believe them? The dogs started howling. I'm not scared. That dream made me brave for a second. You made me brave. 

As I browsed, I saw you. Smiling and still. You're different the first time I saw you. I would be happy to see you with someone. Happy and hurt. I won't be surprised if you get married soon, you're not getting any younger. I won't be surprised but again that would hurt. Really hurt. You can never be mine. If time comes when we meet, maybe I'll pretend that I forgot your name, maybe I'll take the opposite turn, maybe you'll say hey, maybe you'll say you miss me, or maybe not, maybe...a lot of maybes.

Memorabilia

After years of waiting, finally I have it in my hands. Two fruitful years, that's how long it took for its completion. Bound with a hard material and made up of glossy pages, one can easily throw it in a fire and turn it into ashes. I hope not for although it's just made of something that can easily be burnt, it costs a million dreams, nostalgias and memories that turns it into a priceless gem. Our yearbook. Our Class had waited for it and now we have a hard copy of our memories during the times of toil, hardwork, sleepless nights burning the candle, and laughter.

( bear with my poor photography skills, if these are even considered as part of photography)

I'm a bit unsatisfied with my yearbook picture-as always just like the first time I saw it way back then. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Here Comes July

June was over and here comes July. June wasn't kind of bad as I thought it would. I have discovered a lot of hidden talents, if those are talents and devoured myself into reading and writing, all geeky stuffs. Good thing, at least I did something productive. The use of the internet has always been useful. I don't think I can live longer without it now that I have tasted it's unrelenting spices. What a description but I found it appropriate to describe "internet". I had also missed a lot of opportunities adding more twists and turns into my winding, road-like existence. Plotted new plans that hopefully and eventually will come into a beautiful reality.

Now that June was over, I would be looking forward to millions of stuffs this month of July. Important, insignificant, detailed and nonspecific. Regardless, something to keep my cup brewing. Isn't that exciting? I am still broke like a rat. I can smell green in the air but I just can't seem to grab it. It's like your neighbor is cooking your favorite food and the only thing you could do is smell but unable to taste it. How frustrating but that's how money works. You need to work hard for it. I am still discovering the wonders of blogging. Improve traffic, get cash. Get cash? How am I going to get cash the easy way through blogging? Again, you need to work hard for money. I am running in circles, getting nowhere.  

July, july, july! Oh yeah, Mom's Golden year! I would be writing something about that maybe later of this month. I have come across on how to make oatmeal cookie, polvoron and recycle old t-shirts. The only thing lacking is action to make solid proofs of those and July would be the month. I need to slough off my stubborness and menopausal attitude this month and forever! I think I'd be writing about happy posts this time unlike my June posts, they're pretty gloomy and negative I guess. Maybe something about productivity or maybe not. I'll just publish what's available.

Positivity! Happy thoughts! More posts! These are things I'm going to need this month! Aye, aye!

Monochrome

 There's something strange and powerful about black-and-white imagery.-Stefan Kanfer

 

Top: Shot of a painting at a friend's house in Tacloban, Philippines.

 I took a photo of the old Bell Tower in Dumaguete, Philippines

Top: White flower bloomed at our house

Bottom: Ormoc, Philippines Bell Tower

Teddie, family pet

Top: Cebu Metropolitan Cathedral

Bottom: At Taoist Temple Cebu, Philippines

Late

It's been a month. One long, struggling month. Almost forty days.  I am here riding a cab, looking at the horizon. It's empty but mirage. I can sense that the cabbie is glancing at me through the mirror from time to time. I wanted to shout at him and say "what?!" but instead I ignored him. I don't think I have enough strength to do that. We're almost there. I can see from the distance the dilapidated house. Abandoned.

I unlocked the bolt. Got inside and smelled the lush vegetation. A rat ran past me. I slowly walked inside and put my bag on the empty, dusty table. I gazed around. Gosh, I miss this place. I miss the inhabitants of this place. How long has it been? The wall clock chimed. I can't believe it's still working. I went into the kitchen. Everything seems to be in order except for the dusts on the counters and appliances.

I went upstairs, entered the familiar room. Books stacked along the bookshelf. The bed is scruffy. When I left years ago, the sheet on that bed was well tucked in. I left screaming and shouting to my hearts content. I didn't listen to the beggings, cryings, and sorrys when it was my fault all along.

I looked at the antique dresser and saw that old frame. I came closer and watched the familiar face, eyes glittering with happiness. It was taken during mothe'rs day. I was the one who took it. My throat aches. Suddenly, there's a lump on my throat. I picked up the frame. I tried to suppress the pain but I can't help it. Pain and grief are enveloping me. I'm missing her. I can never see that face smile at me again. Not even a scold, not even a nag. I'm so sorry. I love you. I know it's too late for that. Tears suddenly came rushing down my cheeks. 

Cebu City

Queen City of the South or better known as Cebu City opened the door for me towards a greater opportunity and a different kind of adventure. I had my first step in Cebu way back 2008. I also had my first airplane ride that time.

There are many places to visit when you're in Cebu knowing that it's one of the biggest city in the Philippines like their beaches, the metro, its islands and a whole lot more. Although I'd live there for almost two years, I admit that I wasn't able to visit all the wonderful places in Cebu, not even half of it.

Magellan's Cross. Easy to find because all the Cebuanos know where this is. You can ride a cab or a jeepney (jeeps are marked with numbers) depending on your location. The streets for this is either Osmena Blvd. or Magallanes St. Based on my observation, if you can't speak bisaya, better speak English. Cebuanos prefer English than Filipino (country's language).

A few steps from Magellan's cross, you can find the Basilica Minore del Sto. Nino.

One of the white sand beaches of Cebu. This is somewhere in Lapu-lapu in one of our team buildings.

Sinulog. Cebuano's annual celebration to honor their patron Sto. Nino. This happens every first month of the year. One of the most celebrated festivals/fiestas in the Philippines.

We had a picture in one of the participants of Sinulog Festival. Cute! Fun, fun, fun but the downside? Prepare those spa-pampered feet for a long walk.

You could try to check its islands like Bantayan, Malapascua (for diving), Camotes, and etc. There are also good places to visit around the metro for example, the Zipline (Tops), Crown Regency's sky adventures, Taoist Temple, clubs, malls and more. As I've mentioned, there's still a lot of places I have failed to visit when I was in Cebu. I hope I could go back there.

More pictures?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/xymyr23/sets/72157624444630489/

A Tribute

It's a nice Sunday. It rained for a while but the sun started peeking out. Today is Father's Day and another reason to celebrate Sunday. Actually I'd written a blog already for this occassion however, I'm still having second thoughts if I'm going to publish it or not. It's more of a rant rather than I love you's and thank you's. I don't want to be a party pooper for daddy's girls, boys and to the rest of the dads out there so I'll just say HAPPY FATHER's DAY to my dad.

For the best!

June Brat

Lately, I've been looking at old photographs sometimes wishing that I can turn the hands of time. Although they say that nothing is impossible, I know that this case is an exception. I can never return to yesterday. All I can do is remember.

I remember back then when I used to play with my brother. We played house together with my two older sisters. Us, holding three Barbies and him, holding his toy Batman. His toy Batman had long been crippled same with his other miniature superhero toys. I remember when we used to fight about candies, chocolates and taking turns riding the bike. Talk about the previous episodes of Power Rangers, Ghost Fighter, Dragonball Z and end up arguing. Laugh together when we see someone step over a pile of dog's poop. Those were my childhood  days with my brother.

I took another photoalbum and crap, another set of my brother's photos. I scanned every page of that album and watched my brother grow. From an inch hair to a mass of nest-like locks. From clean cut to a week-old beard. From smooth to acne-covered face. From a 12' school ruler to a towering 5'8 pinnacle. Geez! How fast that was. We can never really tell until it slaps us in the face. As I close the photoalbum. I heard him shout, calling my name. My brother never calls me Ate or Ditse, it doesn't really matter. I'm already used to it. I watch him come close and realized a lot of things.

Growing up as an only boy and the youngest have it's privileges and disappointments. Privileges on his part because he gets everything what he wants. He grew up as a spoiled brat! If that's privileges, I'm already having second thoughts. Disappointments on my parent's behalf or probably the consequences of their actions? I can never tell for parents want what's best for their children. Before, my brother used to listen to us regarding unimportant small things but now I wonder, why is it so hard for him to lend an ear for bigger things that really matter?  Education, future plans, all seemed to be meaningless to him. Must be too big then huh?

I hope one day my brother will realize that everything changes. He can always be a spoiled brat whenever he likes to but nobody's always there to spoil him. I wish him happiness, success and most of all a clear mind to think things through as he celebrate another year of his life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Voodoo Doll for Keeps

My  week usually starts with Monday and isn't it a good way to start your week by receiving something from someone special, someone dear to you? Earlier between 3:30 to 4:45 am, I've got a little dolly from my sister. It's a little doll key chain and I like it. Wait, it's a bit of an understatement. I love it! It may look simple and a mediocre to some. A cliche but "it's the thought that counts" right? This is a voodoo doll key chain. As we all know, Voodoo dolls are believed to be the works of evil bringing bad luck to another person but I'm not going to join the bandwagon. This doll will be the perfect symbol of our sisterly bond. 

I found this really nice poem (by an anonymous writer). I sincerely dedicate it to my two sisters! Here it goes:

WE HAVE LAUGHED TOGETHER

You've been my sister

for many years,

We've laughed together

And shed some tears.

We've had harsh words,

And pulled some hair

But against the world

We are a terrific pair.

Our times together are very few,

I just want to say I LOVE YOU!  

Alcoholic?

Headache. Vertigo. These two are my everyday companion. My morning appetizer. How ironic. It's 10:00 already. I tried to get up but my head is still spinning. I can hear the rooster crowing in the distant. In this time of day? My brows puckered. I laughed. I'm stupid.

I slowly got up from the dirty maze of pillows and linens. I looked around and I can see chaos, pandemonium, turmoil. I dont care. I went to the bathroom.Washed my face and stared into the man in front of me. Bloodshot eyes, creased forehead and scanty graying mane. Everyday I see this man. I hate him. Loathed him to the extent that I want to kill him but I'm not a murderer.

The pan sizzled as I descended the stairs. She stared at me. "Did you heat some water", my croaky voice asked. No reply. I made myself a cup of coffee, sat at the terrace and stared into space. I thought about last night.

In a trance. Added by a few laughs, talks. Talking about anything. True or false? It doesn't matter. Problems evaporate. That was clear to me. That's the reason why I love it. The reason why I kept coming back for it.  My sweet escape.

A vague memory of last night. Talk, confrontation, clash, argument, fight, skirmish, battle, broken glass? At home? Her? I don't want to think about it.

I finished my coffee. I'm excited. Tonight will be another night. Night of trance like state.

Insanity

Flock of birds flying south. The clouds in unison. Darkening the already dimmed sky. A rumble somewhere, sign of an incoming rain. People in a hurry on this busy street, afraid of getting wet. Not for me.

Everyday, I saunter this harried aisle. My death march. Weary, that's what I am. Wish I could let go but no. Cowardice is for the weak. I don't belong there anymore.

As I drift into nothingness, I saw your bleak visage. Haunting me. The gaping hole tearing me as I go down memory lane. The rain poured. Trickling. Disguising the onslaught of tears.

A decade ago you were my silent reverie turned reality. The meaning of my existence until that horrible day. You left, left me dying. I wish I knew why. I was clueless. I am still clueless.

Time flies by. Today is my renaissance. I am stronger. I am numb, numb most of the time. I am loving and hating myself. I wish you could see the new me.

The rain stopped. The night is starless.A whiff of air on my dirty face. I'm back to reality. I'd be traversing this streets again. I'd be fording ditches as I laugh in my own world. 

Time Machine Is Set To 6 Years Ago

I was leafing some blogs and found this one. Time to fill in some forms. Again, I'm nostalgic..

BACK TO 4th year high school (between year 2003-2004). Let's see how much I remember...

and how much I regret..

1. What section were you?

Senior's section were categorized based on scientist's name back then. Pathetic me, I can't remember the darn name of the scientist. All I know is that I was in the last section out of 6. It goes to show that I'm really dumb.Hahahaha!

2. Who were your seatmates?

Arthur and Novie. Arthur and I used to whisper behind Novie's back. We're so mean!

3. Still remember your english teacher?

Yup. Mrs. Acedo. Although she keeps on repeating her lessons, but for me she is the best english teacher I had so far.

4. What was your first class?

I think that was Economics under Ms. Bibat, our adviser. I was always late.Tsk, tsk, tsk!

5. Who were your best[classmates]?

 J3AESRAC + Rhea, Gracezeille, Rollie. Arthur was my only classmate in this list, the rest are my schoolmates.

6. Who was your crush back then?

Hmmnnn..secret! Honestly, I can't remember his name.

7. Had a boyfriend/girlfriend? 

I was self-centered and too in love with myself back then.

8. How was your class schedule?

Normal.

9. Made any enemies?

Hmnnn...not sure, never had a catfight.

10. Who was your favorite teacher?

Sir Tan, our math teacher. His class was boring and we always had time to chat with my seatmate. I like him because he didn't mind.

11. What sport did you play?

I was never into sports during highschool.

12. Did you buy your lunch?

Sometimes.

13. Were you a party animal?

Not really.

14. Were you well known in your school?

Hell no!

15. CUT CLASSES?

Always.

16. Did you get suspended/expelled?

Almost for being late and cutting classes that branched into multiple problems.

17. Can you sing the alma mater?

O'course. It goes like this.."Silahis ang katulad mong nagsabog ng liwanag...naah!" I'm quite off-key!

18. What was/were your favorite subjects?

English- the only subject where I learned.

19. Did you go to the dances?

Nope. I missed prom!

20. Where did you go most often during breaks?

Mall, Arthur's house and watch porn (fill in my curious mind), canteen.

21. If you could go back in time and do it all over, or change something,would you?

Definitely Yes minus the vices.

22. What do you remember most about 4th year?

Breaking rules (cutting classes, smoking, cheating during exams and a lot more), friends, CAT.

I miss those days...I wish I could go and turn back the hands of time.